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Comments:
Dear OP
BTW - You actually don't have a second date planned. You asked her if she wants to get lunch "sometime". When making plans with a woman you have to be direct and specific. So at this point, I'd just leave the ball in her court. If she contacts you, cut to the chase and make definite plans. Preferably something at night instead of lunch.
I think another problem is people who are like this tend to look at the end goal: the desire of a relationship or a girlfriend. Then everything else in flexible and they are the most diligent in trying to get that AT THEIR OWN EXPENSE, which loses them exactly what they want. I think you know this from your own assessment of yourself. I'm happy to help the next time you have a dating situation. One of the best things to do I think is also dating a few people at once so you don't get hyperfocused until a person has genuinely earned your interest. Things tend to level out when you can compare Date A with Date B with Date C. A lot of people don't want to do this because they have an idealized view of how relationships should go down. That's all fine and good but the people you are dating don't necessarily share the same idealized view. And if anything, people with bend-y standards need the multi-dating more than the others to bring things into perspective. They need to be operating as if they have choices because what their personality and behavior tends to give off is that they don't. So having real variety of choices is the best way to even things out on the spectrum. Anyway, my point is you CAN do this!!!
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